New Year, Same Resolutions

When I was younger, I didn't really think about "resolutions."  What for?  I resolve to make money and have fun!  That was about it.  But for some reason, as I get older, these resolutions seem to be needed in order to help me focus on things I'd like to accomplish in the future.  Maybe I just didn't didn't have a need to focus when I was young, after all, life focused me all by itself.  Go to school.  Get a job.  Pay off your student loans.  Simple.  Basic.

Now I think I need to put some focus out there in front of me.  Big things that need to be accomplished, because I'm not getting any younger, and someday it will be too late for me to do them.  Either my brain won't work as well, or my body, or it'll just be curtains completely!

I don't know what I want to accomplish for 2011.  Lose Weight.  Of course.  When have I not been working on that?  A few years back my friends and I decided we'd have our own book club, and select books to read and discuss.  (We all live in different states, so we'd just get together and have chats online.)  It was a great idea...and it never went anywhere.  We put for the effort, but we just couldn't get our acts together.  I ended buying us all a magnet for the Bad Girls Book Club. (Amazon didn't show the magnet, but they have a print here.  (Why they have the photo sideways, I don't know, but it says "Bad Girls Book Club" Where half the group doesn't read the book and the other half doesn't show up.)


Makes me laugh even now because it fit us all perfectly.

Books are big for me.  I'd like to read more, but I just don't make the time to do it.  I come up with a lot of excuses, but never get anywhere.  About 18 feet behind me right now is a wall of books.  I'd guess there are about 600 books sitting there, just waiting to be read.  (I've read some, but not even 25% of them.)  I'd be happy if I could read two books in the new year.

So here I sit and ponder what it is I'd like to accomplish in 2011, and what it is that I actually will accomplish.

What to do in 2011?  Does anyone have their list ready to go?

I think I have to become a Twitter-er

Yes, it's December 23, and rather than think about all the Christmas-y things I need to be thinking about, I am considering signing up for Twitter.  Not for personal reasons really.  I don't have much to say, and I don't have a lot of friends to say it to.

My first encounter with Twitter was for a client.  She signed me up with Co-Tweet so I could post for her business.  Well, that didn't go very well.  I was new to the whole Twitter thing, and didn't grasp the concept.  Quite frankly, I still don't.  I mean, isn't it just that Twitter has taken the FB and MySpace "status" and created a site just for status - and nothing more?

Anyway, I didn't do a great job posting because I didn't know what to post - or how to post.  Since then, I've created a Twitter account for the non-profit I'm involved with.  I post - well, I cheat.  I post to Facebook and then that posts to Twitter.  But does anyone read Twitter?  Because I don't.  So all those people I'm following who are posting - they're posting on deaf ears.  (or eyes!)

Now I've had some time to post, and now I'm posting updates for a new client.  While I still don't feel like I know why Twitter is so great, I am a much better poster.  But now - maybe it's time to get my own account.  Maybe from my own business standpoint.  Because from a personal standpoint - meh.  I have a lot of teenage nieces and nephews, and none of them use Twitter.  So it doesn't seem like much of a "teen" thing.  Maybe it is all about business.

Who knows.  I'll try it.  It'll give me an excuse to be able to post comments to Tosh.0.  No wait, let me see if I can get this right.... @danieltosh - is that how I write it?

I Miss Talk Shows

I don't know why, but today I'm missing talk shows.  (Notice how I'm avoiding the fact that I haven't posted in a couple of months?)  Real talk shows.  If you're around my age, you should be able to remember a time on TV when you could flip between several channel and stop on at least one talk show with some good topics.  Not now.  At least, not on my TV.

I grew up watching Mike Douglas (I was little - my mom watched it, and I watched with her).  And then there was Phil Donahue.  And then Giraldo, Sally Jess Raphael, and a slew of others whose names I can't remember.  But there was always something on - someone wanting to talk about something.  What killed the talk show?

Was it Morton Downey Jr.?  I happened to be in New York before we got syndicated and I saw his show.  I couldn't believe it.  I just remember thinking "I can't believe they allow this on television!"  Was it this over-the-top, brutal interrogation show that killed the regular talk show?  Because soon after, Jerry Springer came to being.  Well, that's not true.  Jerry was there, having intelligent conversations, but then it started to go zany.  And then zany was "in."  The more shocking, the better, and who really cared if it was a true story or not?

Now, before I get any further, let me just say something about Oprah.  I don't like.  I don't watch her.  She's all show and no substance.  I don't like that people treat her as some type of god, and that she acts that way, too.  So, I'm excluding her form of "talk show" from my blog.  Boo Oprah.  (Go ahead and chastise me.  I won't mind.)

So, zany.  Shocking.  possibly true or untrue.  Did that kill the talk show?  Did that start the whole "reality TV" thing which killed the ability to talk to real people about real topics?

I know, I know - there's still Dr. Phil and Tyra.  Let me say, I'm not a Dr. Phil fan, but at least most of the time he keeps to the traditional format, and that I can appreciate.  So I watch.  Tyra - well, I love America's Next Top Model (yes, I'm feeding into the reality TV machine).  Her talk show - eh.  All right.  I've watched it.  But, she's done so there's no sense talking about her.

So, if anyone out there reads this, let me know your thoughts on the whole non-talk show epidemic.  Maybe there are local talk shows still going on.  (Not here in Michigan!)

Gray Days

Or is it "grey?"  :)

I love gray days.  I love a nice, quiet, cloudy, rainy, drizzly, deep, dark day.  The weather seems to quiet everything and everyone.  I keep all the lights off, and just maybe I'll have the TV or radio on.  But otherwise I'll keep it dark inside too.  It's nice.  And calm.  Nothing frenetic.  No annoyances.  Just quiet time to relax and get work done.

Happy Gray Grey Monday!

Getting Beat Up

This weekend was a BEAUTIFUL weekend in Michigan.  It was unseasonably warm weather, blue skies, sunny, and the Michigan State Spartans kicked much ass! :)

Saturday morning was much like any other morning.  My husband had gone to work for a few hours.  My son had eaten breakfast and was playing some games.  I was getting dressed and ready to get some yard work done.  I step out of my house and see a couple of kids in my back yard by my garage.  I say in a loud voice "Get out of my yard!"  And they run off down the little hill the separates my property from the neighbor.  Immediately following, much like an echo, I hear this woman's voice scream back "you don't yell at those  kids."  Now, I'm a bit dumbfounded, but not enough that my brain stops working, so I say loudly "I wasn't yelling at them."

And then it gets a bit blurry, where she's screaming a bunch of stuff, and I hear her say something about "they're just getting a cat out of the yard" to which I reply "there's always cats in my yard."  Now, I have never seen these kids before.  Don't know a thing about them.  They don't go to school here, because they're not at the bus stop.  I think they're with their "part time mom" (divorce situation).  Then I see kid #3, who I know, with his cat coming out of my back yard.  I look at him and throw my hands up in the air and say "Joe???" - you know, in that WTF kind of way.  He just looks at me and runs off.

Whatever.  This psycho woman is still yelling.  Then she RUNS from across the yard up the little hill toward my property line and stops.  I was a bit taken aback.  She was going to beat me up.  Seriously.  Now, it sounds stupid as I write this out, but that was her intention.  But maybe when she got up to the property line, one decent brain cell in her head clicked in, or maybe when she saw me, and saw that I didn't run away, she thought twice.

Now, I'm not a big person.  I'm an average 5'4" woman.  She was about three inches taller and a good 30 pounds heavier.  I'm not looking for a fight, but I won't let anyone lay a hand on me either.  I will defend myself.  (I always tell my husband that if I ever got attacked and was killed, he'd know that I fought every step of the way.)

She screams at me that I ALWAYS scream at the kids, and then asks me "is this your pole?!!" (there's an old pole on the property where she was) and I say "yeah, I guess" and she screams "Well this is MY PROPERTY" and points to where she's standing.  Then she walks off saying some other shit, and then she starts yelling again as she calls someone on the phone.  I hear her scream something like "She was inches away from getting her ass whipped."

I don't know this woman.  She is NOT the owner of the property next door.  I know who the owners are.  I haven't met them, but I've seen them.  She was merely a visitor, I guess, to their property.  And I guess those were her kids.  I don't know.  I don't know a thing about her.  And I never scream at kids.  Because there aren't any around here except for mine, and then one other.  And they're in school all day.  And at night, I'm making dinner and spending it with my family.

Was she tripped out on crack?  She had to be on something, because no one snaps like that.  She's nuts, or on drugs or something.  Did she think I was someone else?  Was she hearing things?  Was she seeing things?  I don't know.  She's some 45-55 year old crazed woman with issues.  Because we're all a little too old for fisticuffs. 

This isn't the first problem we've had with neighbors, but it certainly is the worst.  My thought for that day?  WTF.  Seriously.

My husband talked to the police, by the way.  They figure it's an isolated incident, but if she goes psycho again, we'll be having them pay a visit.

What does it mean to "grow old gracefully?"

(I'm ignoring the shame I feel for not posting in several weeks.  To be fair, I have had a ton of volunteer work due to an event we put on, and I'm just now reclaiming my "regular" life.)

Today is "International Walk to School Day."  Seriously.  http://www.walktoschool.org/  Now, if you already walk to school, it's not a big deal.  But when you're being bussed, walking to school takes on actual meaning.  My son's school participates, so we got up and out the door to meet at the designated area so that we could all walk to school together - hundreds of kids, parents, grandparents, teachers and dogs all strolling down the sidewalk toward the school with lots of fun and fanfare.  I'd guess it's about half a mile to the school, so a solid mile round trip for the parents to get back to their cars.

It was your standard, cold morning here.  Probably about 40 degrees and the sun was just peeking up over the trees.  The walk went well, as always.  On the way back to my car I was walking behind a group of parents and I spotted a woman who sparked this blog.  She was dressed for 75 degree, hanging out on the patio weather.  Why, on a day you know you're going to have to walk about a mile, do you wear 2 inch heel sandals - with no socks?

In high school, we used to freeze our asses off at the bus stop because we refused to wear hats and gloves and scarves and boots.  Because that wasn't cool.  When I went to college, it was very apparent who the Freshman were once winter hit.  They were still trying to be cool - guys with their varsity jackets wide open with deck shoes and no socks in 10 degree weather with a foot of snow on the ground.  Seriously. 

When we get older, we realize we're being complete idiots, and we start to dress properly.  Looks be damned, I'm COLD!  Gimme a parka and big, poofy mittens!

Now, I can't say that this woman was still trying to dress to impress, or to be cool (Fonzie cool), or she was still trying to hold on to her youth.  But it just struck me that on way of growing old gracefully means you know when to bundle up, and wear clothes that are functional - and you do it.

What did I wear?  Jeans, my husband's coat, tennies.  And not one damn spot of makeup!  Who do I need to impress?  My husband and son already love me!

Letting Ourselves Down

It has been over a week since my last blog.  Shame on me for that.  Even though I'm really not doing this for exposure or fame or friends or whatever, I need to be more disciplined about writing.  I'm doing this for me, and if I can't commit to me, I can't commit to anything.

Maybe I don't feel guilty enough when I let myself down.  I would feel tremendous guilt if I needed to do this for someone else, and it didn't get done.  So why don't I feel bad about not accomplishing my own goals?  I mean, there's some moderate disappointment, but if I was doing this for a job, I'd feel completely horrible.  No, I'd never let it get to this point.

Why can we do things for other people that we can't do for ourselves?  We get work done.  We motive others on their diets.  We offer great advice in times of trouble.  Do we have to sit in front of a mirror and talk to ourselves daily?  Would we become more caring of our needs if we did so?

Volunteering, Take 2

Last year at school I volunteered for four separate projects, three of which were weekly or bi-monthly.  At the end of the school year I vowed that I would need to curb my enthusiasm for trying to help with everything.  I know four doesn't seem like much, but I also work, albeit from home, part time, and volunteer for a local non-profit group.  Four was definitely too much.

Unfortunately I found myself at the school over the summer speaking with one of the teachers, and having her tell me how she hopes I'll come back to help because she lost an assistant.  And yes, I'd like to help but it depends upon my client workload and...

Yesterday we went to the school for a "meet the teacher" event.  I got a wave from the PTA President.  Uh oh - there's now face recognition. :)  So, my son comes home happy from the event and I come home with a few stacks of paperwork.  Our school has a lot of activities and events.  I can't even keep up with most of them.  I already signed up at the end of last year to participate/chair/help/whatever with two of them - one monthly and one one-time.  But here was this list in my packet of all the other events needing help.  As I'm reading it last night I could have put my initials next to fifteen different items.  Instead, I put the packet away and will look at it today with  fresh mind.

I like to volunteer.  First, it gets me out of the house.  I don't have any local friends, so it helps to get out and communication with other adults.  Second, I want to show my son a good example.  He actually comes with me to my non-profit group meetings, and we joke that he's my assistant.  He's more than happy to help out, and I like that.  Third - help is needed.  And if I have the time, why don't I help?  Fourth - I learn a lot.  Since I started my assortment of volunteer efforts about three years ago, I've learned how schools function, I've learned where practically every book in the library is, I've learned the socio-political struggles that go on behind the scenes of non-profit organizations, I've learned that communities aren't necessarily charitable, and that certain social groups have a strangle-hold on politics.

I've also learned that there is a small handful of people giving thousands of hours of time to make big things happen.  And I like that.

I need to sit down today and decide where my efforts are going to be this year.  I can't do it all.  I need to take care of me, my family, my house, and my clients.  But there will definitely be some breaks in between and my initials are going to be put on at least three different events...maybe four.

I am becoming my Mother.

It's not a bad thing to become my Mom.  She's a pretty cool lady.  Ingenius, resourceful and can cook circles around anyone.  When I talk about how I' have difficulty doing something, she typically, quite matter-of-factly, will ask me why I'm not doing it "X" way which is, of course, the most easy, logical way to do it, and only someone who has put a little thought into it would have come to the same conclusion.

Anyway, my mom gets involved in a lot.  And she volunteers A LOT.  So much so that I bought her this:

http://www.catchingfireflies.com/products/stop-me-before-I...-magnet.html

(By the way, that's a GREAT price for the magnet, and no, I don't get any commission if you buy it.  I just love my local stores!)

But I have that volunteering bug, too.  And right now I'm being overwhelmed by it.  For some reason, my mouth seems to engage and my hand goes up when I see trouble - oh, I can do it!  I'll help!  And then I pile up too much on my plate, and then I get stressed, and then I freak out, and then I'm the mess I see before me.  (I'm working toward critical mass at the moment!)

For Mom, it seems that no matter how much she's got going on, she doesn't seem stressed.  Maybe she is, and she's just really good at dealing with it - or hiding it.  I don't know.  I have yet to develop that ability.  Maybe it happens at 45?

Remember Saturday Mornings as a Kid?

It's Saturday and it's 8:15am according to my laptop clock.  Due to some cosmically weird circumstances, neither my husband nor my son are home this morning.  It's just me and the cats, and it's weird to have the morning to myself.

When I was a kid, I got up Saturday morning, and I watched cartoons.  Tons of Bugs Bunny, of course, but also the Smurfs (did you hear they've made a Smurf MOVIE???), and other silly things like the Gummi Bears (who makes a cartoon about candy???), Superfriends, and I can't even recall what else.  This was long before cable was around, so I had three glorious channels to choose from (ABC, NBC and CBS) and I would flip between them picking out the best cartoons until Bugs Bunny came on.  I think that was 90 minutes long and it was great!

Now it's 2010, and we pay for something like 90 channels.  (Most of which are a big disappointment, and I'm still WAITING for the cable companies to get their acts together to provide me with an ala carte choice...DO YOU HEAR ME????)  Let's start wth the three channels of my youth.  What's on right now?

NBC: News
ABC: News

CBS: Doodlebops (ACK, Don't ask if you don't know), then Strawberry Shortcake (I'll have to check into this to see if it's a cartoon, or CGI, or what), and then News starting at 9am.

Let's include Fox, since now it's "the big 4" channels:

FOX:  News

I know, you tell me that they have whole channels now dedicated to cartoons.  Right now Cartoon Network is showing the "boy" lineup of cartoons:  Ben 10, Generator Rex, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Hot Wheels, Bakugan Battle Brawlers, Johnny Test....  Nickelodeon (which we watch a lot of!) starts with Back at the Barnyard, Fairly Oddparents, and Spongebob.

Yes, those are cartoons, and I do love Spongebob.  But what happened to getting up and watching some great cartoons in the morning?  What happened to Bugs Bunny?  When did it seem to be a better idea for a seven year-old to watch the news rather than Duck Dodgers in the 24th and a half Century!  (And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you're not a Bugs Bunny fan.)

I guess I'm feeling a bit sad about it.  Those were some of the best cartoons ever created and no one shows them.  They're not even from my generation!  Maybe they're buried somewhere in a cable package that would add an extra $100 to my bill.  No thanks.  I don't want to pay another $100 for one channel.

When I was in college, we had movie nights at the auditorium.  What did they show before the movie started?  Cartoons - Bugs Bunny cartoons.  And when those came on, thousands of college students cheered, and as the cartoon progressed, thousands of college students recited the lines.  Good times, good times...

We're raising our son to appreciate those gems of the past.  He loves Tom and Jerry, the Three Stooges, and the Muppet Show.  He finds Road Runner cartoons on You Tube and likes to watch those.  This Christmas, (shhh - don't tell), we're going to buy this, along with the rest of the Golden Collection.

Yeah, you might say I'm clinging to my past, and I need to enjoy some of the good cartoons that are out there now.  And I do.  Besides Spongebob, I'm a huge fan of Total Drama Action/Island/World Tour.  (which really isn't a kids' show)  But I just want to bring back the basis for what all the new cartoons steal from or give nods to.

If anyone reads this, let me know about your favorite cartoons of the past.  My favorite character is Daffy Duck.  "I'm a greedy slob.  It's my hobby!"

I don't know how to blog

One of my clients wants me to blog for her business.  But I can't.  I mean, I've tried.  I have at least a dozen blogs I've written that she hasn't used.  She says they're too personal.  I felt kind of wounded by that.  Of course they're personal.  I'm writing them.  I'm writing about my businesses experiences, and I'm writing in a way that tells a story, that hopefully will endear people to me - and that means to you, and your business.

I don't know how to write for business.  Because business in general, textbook fashion, is boring.  Giving someone the step-by-step "how to" for acquiring a client, buying product or making a sale is outright BORING.  But giving someone a life experience that reflects that step-by-step - well, that's interesting.  At least it is to me.

But maybe that's why I'm not a millionaire business mogul living in New York.  Because I don't get it.  I'm too personal.   But I just don't know how to be any other way.

Where are my glasses???

I've developed an annoying little habit as of late.  I've been "losing" my glasses.

Now, I have worn glasses since...well probably 7th grade.  Maybe 8th.  So somewhere in the mid-80s.  They are just part of my everyday outfit, like putting on underwear.  So they're always with me.  I've never even tried contacts because I'm too lazy.  Glasses are easy.  They're on; they're off.

When I don't wear them, things start to get fuzzy at about 5ft.  I mean, I could still drive down the road and not run anyone over, but it would just be a little fuzzy.  So I need them for distance vision.  That means when I'm on my laptop - which is A LOT - I don't wear them.  My eyes get tired and sore if I do.  So I take them off.

(At this point you're probably thinking that I should invest in some bi-focals.  Shut up.  It has already crossed my mind.)

Anyway, losing glasses is a bit of a bitch.  Because you need glasses to find the glasses you lost.  It's a Catch-22 situation.  But there's an even bigger problem with where I'm losing them.  Lately, like some OLD person :) I've been sliding them up onto my head.  It seems to be a convenient place to keep them.  No.  It isn't.  Because when you keep them up there for so long, your old brain forgets that they're there.  And so I end up wandering around the house asking my son if he's seen my glasses.

It's silly, actually.  I'm wandering the house in a frantic search for the glasses that are perched an inch about my worn out brain.  So I either have to force myself to remember to touch the top of my head, or I will eventually make it to the bathroom where I can see myself in a mirror and see my glasses.

I think I'm going to have to get a chain for my glasses.  But they're going to have to be cool.  So if anyone has any recommendations - maybe some Etsy artist has something neat - let me know.

Rocking at 40 (and not in a rocking chair)

On Saturday I went to see Iron Maiden.  Yes, I like Iron Maiden.  I can't say as I'm "the" Iron Maiden fan, but I do like their music.  And let's just get the advertisement out of the way right now.  Go and buy this album:

This is Iron Maiden's Number of the Beast and it is THE album.  I can listen to this album over and over and over and over and - well, you get the idea.  Great music, great vocals, great energy.

So what's a 40-year old chick doing at a metal concert?  Rocking out, of course.  But I have to say, it was really weird.  My husband and I figured that I hadn't been to a concert in over a decade.  (We saw Pantera and Black Sabbath!)  Things have REALLY changed a lot since my last concert.

The crowd has gotten a lot older...and a lot younger.  Sure, there were some teenagers and a few young twenties (who, by the way, looked 14 carrying those beers back to their lawn spot).  But the majority of the people there were my age or older.  I know Iron Maiden is an older band, so it stands to reason that their fan base would be older.

The weird part is that a lot of the old farts brought their kids to the concert.  I saw dozens of kids between the ages of 7-12.  Now, I have a seven year old, and he likes rock music, but there is NO WAY I am going to take him to a rock concert.  I do not need to put him in with ten thousand hot, alcoholed (or drugged, or both) screaming fans that could get into a brawl at any moment.  Maybe I'm being overly cautious, but I've seen enough fights break out at concerts to know it's a regular occurence.

Maiden was great (even if they DIDN'T PLAY MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE SONG THAT EVERYONE ON THE PLANET WANTED TO HEAR....).  Yeah, these guys are "old" by today's standards, but they kicked ass.  Bruce Dickinson (lead singer) is going to be 52 next month and he was running around the stage like he was 22.  I'm sure I wouldn't have enough energy to keep up like that.  Maybe he's fueled by the music and the crowds cheering for him.

I stood there on the hill feeling slightly crabby and knew I didn't feel this way the last time I was at a concert.  We had lawn "seats."  If everyone just sat down we'd all see the stage, and we'd all be comfortable.  But no, as soon as a band is on stage, everyone has to stand up.  I don't want to stand on a hill for two hours.  It's not like I can stretch out.  It's too crowded, so I have to lean from one foot to the next.  My feet hurt.  I want to sit down, but I want to see the stage.  Why, oh why don't we all just SIT DOWN?  What's the point of all of you bringing (or renting) chairs and blankets if you aren't going to use them?

Is this what happens as you get older?  The things you found fun now start to irritate you?  The next decade is really going to suck if that's the case.

The Best Time of the Day

It's Monday, and it's just about 7:30am.  I'm currently enjoying "the best time of the day."  That's sort of a lie, because I have plenty of great times from morning until night.  But this is a really good time for me during the summer.  My husband leaves for work around 6:30.  My son is still asleep and has been sleeping later - till 8 most mornings.  This gives me 90 minutes of "me" time.

Now, that might sound a bit selfish.  I love my husband and son very much, and look forward to the moments I get to be with them.  But during this early time, the house is still dark and quiet, and I get a moment to myself to goof off, collect my thoughts, and get my act together for the day.  And honestly, they dictate this time.  It doesn't start until my husband leaves for work, and it ends when my son wakes up - which could be the same time, or it could be an hour later.  Whatever the case, I'm not taking away any of my other time during the day from them.  It's like a little gift they give me that they don't even know about.  (And I thank them for it!)

I play my silly Facebook games.  I review my emails and respond (I can concentrate when I don't have "hey Mom, hey Mom, hey Mom..." repeating at me every couple of minutes!) :)  This morning I paid the cable bill.

Exciting stuff.  But this time is great because it is so quiet, and it puts me in the mindframe for having a good day.  I know that just around the corner I've got a pile of dirty dishes to wash.  And downstairs there's laundry to do.  And I need to get things ready for the garage sale this weekend, which will be a major feat.

But now, in the early morning, I can relax.  When I was younger, the best time of the day was somewhere around 10am or 11am, and maybe sometimes 2pm.  (And in college, it was probably after my last class ended!)  But now that I don't get a chance to sleep in any more, my quality time has shifted.  And it's nice.

One Year to Go

A week after my big 4-0, my husband turned 39.  Now the countdown really begins.  At least one of us still has a foothold in the vibrant youth that is our 30s.  But a year from now?  It'll all be a faded memory of "remember whens."

Last night I said, "I need a shower."  He responds:  "Well, be careful.  You're older now.  I don't want you falling and breaking a hip."

Laugh all you want.  Your turn is coming soon!

Ignorance IS Bliss

I received an Evite (remember when people used to send cards with envelopes?) to a 40th birthday party of an old high school friend.  It was....weird.  Not the invitation, but to think that this person is going to be 40.  Let's face, in my mind, I have pictures in my head of my schoolmates.  They're all teenagers, and we're wearing cool 80s clothes, and we're doing the same, silly teenager stuff that kids do today.  In my mind, we're all still back there, in high school, dealing with teen angst and test scores.

But it's not true, and this invitation proves it.  My mind might be playing out happy little stories of 22 years ago, but reality is pushing me forward, making me accept my own age, and the age of my friends.

This is a problem.  It's one thing to grow old "alone" where your past has no connection with your present.  But when that past catches up to you - WHAMMO.  It really solidifies "40" in a way that I wasn't expecting.  I'm not the first of my high school friends to turn 40, but now that I am 40, it seems as though I'm catching on to things, and these things are affecting me more.

Acknowledging friends from the past and trying to synch them up with the present is weird.  One of my other good friends from high school and I see each other almost regularly (when our schedules permit).  On one of our first get-togethers, we reminisced about an old story from school.  We were both active participants in that story, but when we discussed it, we ended up with two different stories.  After all these years, we're not sure which one is right.

And this just goes back to that whole "happy place" in my mind.  When I'm confronted with the present, I get conflict, and age, and probably a lot of fat, baldness and wrinkles.  But in my mind, we're all happy and young, and the stories I remember are exactly how it happened.  Ahhh.....

At 1pm yesterday I found myself sitting in the school library for 90 minutes at a reading program for my son.  If you would have told a younger version of me that I would be celebrating my 40th birthday sitting in a school library, I would have laughed heartily.  But there I was.  Sitting in a quiet corner trying to squeeze in some extra work for a volunteer organization while I had the time.

I also did dishes yesterday.  Because what is the point of saying I can take the day off, and I don't have to do dishes?  The dishes I don't do today will be waiting for me tomorrow.  Only there will be twice as many.  So there isn't an "day off" from work, and dishes, and household things.

I drank a bottle of wine.  Now, normally I don't drink very often any more (due to that damn health issue I posted about).  A sip here or there, on special occasions.  But my husband said I should treat myself, and he was right.  So I treated myself to a bottle of Simi Chardonnay - probably the only California wine I like.  (I'm a fan...or I was a fan....of Australian wines, when I could drink.)  It was tasty and wonderful and everything I remembered in wine.  Especially the part where I felt like garbage at 4am because I drank entirely too much.

That is a sign of "getting older."  One drink makes you tired.  Two drinks makes you sick.

Of course, I could just lie to myself and say it was because I ate a too-big piece of cake and too much ice cream.  Yeah.  That's it.  It was the cake!

Here's the present my hubby got me:

I'm a huge Gordon Ramsey fan.  I got another book at Christmas - they're wonderful.  Great descriptions, lovely pictures.  A good cookbook is one with pictures!

Oh, and before you say "well that's not that great of a gift for a 40th birthday," don't worry.  The real gift is us getting away for a weekend to Chicago in the next few months.  (But the cookbook still rocks!)

Turn 40, Start a Blog

Today I turn 40.

Why I think this means I should start a blog, I don't know. But here I am, delving into what millions of people do daily. I don't know if I'll be any good at it, but then again, I don't care. I'm not looking for a million followers. I'm not looking to be famous (or infamous). I just thought it might be fun to record the "what comes next" upon turning 40.

I woke up this morning to 40. And quite frankly, it didn't feel any different than waking up to 39, or any of the birthdays before it (with the exception of 21, where I could legally walk into a bar and order a drink). I look the same, I weigh the same (well, maybe a few ounces more due to that too-big bowl of ice cream I ate last night!), I think the same. So what is 40 all about?

I started out this year getting my first "adult" prescription. That means that after several visits to the doctor and a fun variety of tests, I now take a daily pill, and will continue to take it for the next....who knows how long. Is this what it means to be 40? Pills, tests, scans, prods and pokes? I hope not.

I look at myself in the mirror and say "Dammit, I look good." Well, maybe not model good, but hey, I'm 40 and don't have any wrinkles or grey hair good. So I must be doing something right. I'm not sure what. I'm a bit too lazy. I'm a bit of a slob. I like to goof off, play games, watch reality TV and take naps. Is this to key to the next 40 years? I guess I'll find out.